Title: "Painting the City"
This title has what we call a "double meaning," as will soon become clear

Chapter One
We meet our main character, Anthony, who is a San Francisco painter. By day, he works on a crew that paints the Golden Gate bridge. And by night, he paints landscapes. (Did you know the Golden Gate bridge is always being painted? As soon as they get to the end, they start over again. And did you know the color is called International Orange? It's true. And these facts are almost as intriguing as the story of Anthony in this brilliant novel.)

In Chapter One, we also discover that Anthony is married to Sabrina, who is a grade school teacher. Sabrina is kind of bitchy to Anthony when he comes home from a long day of painting his bridge.

Chapter-ending cliffhanger: Is this marriage in trouble?!?

Chapter Two
This chapter, in an innovative narrative twist, is from Sabrina's point of view. We find out that when they got married, Sabrina was pregnant. The plot thickens! Because where is the baby! Well it turns out that she had a miscarriage and never told Anthony about the pregnancy. And so now Sabrina is depressed and alienated from her husband because of this Secret Tragic Event.

By the way, we find this out because Sabrina walks past a wedding portrait of herself on the wall and stares at it for some time in contemplation. Although I'm sure she's walked past it many times without stopping to stare at it for fifteen minutes and have a maudlin inner monologue about it. Very convenient for the reader, wouldn't you say?

Chapter Three
While working at his bridge-painting job, Anthony meets Afton, a Hot Young Ingénue. Please note that the names Anthony and Afton both begin with the letter A, thus subtly telegraphing to the reader that clearly they are meant to be. Because if there's anything that really says "true love," it's alliteration.

The next day, Anthony goes back to the bridge on his day off, to paint a landscape and hopefully run into his hot young chippy. Fortunately for the momentum of our plot, Afton does indeed come back to the bridge that very day. Anthony does not bother to ask her why she has such a bizarre, weirdly fake, obviously made-up name. Anthony offers to paint a portrait of her at his "studio" at home. Afton agrees to this. They make goo-goo eyes at each other.

Chapter-ending cliffhanger: Where on earth is this going?! We have no idea!

Chapter Four
Back to Sabrina's point of view. You see the chapters are in alternating points of view! It takes a real writer to pull something like that off.

Sabrina comes home from work to find Anthony working in his studio, on a portrait of Afton. She notices that Afton is Young and Hot. However, she does not seem to notice that Afton's name is totally stupid. She invites Afton to dinner. They have an awkward dinner. There is lots of Tension.

When Anthony walks Afton out to her car or bus stop or whatever, they share a Meaningful Kiss. The reader is shocked with the realization that they are going to have a Torrid Affair. What about Sabrina!? This is more exciting than The O.C.!

Chapter Five
Anthony's paintings are selected for exhibition in an art gallery. Of course he decides to hang his portrait of his mistress in the art gallery, and he invites her to the opening. There is more Awkward Tension as Afton and Sabrina meet at the opening and everyone drools over the sexy painting of the Ingénue. The author clearly has no idea what to do with this romantic triangle. Maybe something dramatic needs to happen.

Chapter Six
Sabrina discovers the affair! She confronts Anthony about the affair! Anthony promises to end the affair! It is all very dramatic and suspenseful.

Chapter Seven
Things are really speeding towards their conclusion now, as Anthony goes to end the sordid affair with Afton. But wait! There's a twist! Afton is pregnant! Who would have seen that one coming!? Not you, I'll bet!

So Anthony decides to stay with Afton, his pregnant girlfriend, and dump his wife after all. Wow, my head sure is spinning with all these romantic twists. Not only will this novel be a bestseller, I think I will have no problem selling the movie rights to Lifetime or the Oxygen network.

Chapter Eight
Anthony tells Sabrina that his girlfriend is pregnant and that he wants a divorce. If you'll remember, the irony of this situation was cleverly set up at the beginning, when Sabrina spent fifteen minutes staring at a picture of herself and filling in the backstory of her Tragic Secret Pregnancy. But she gets her revenge when she refuses to tell Anthony about the pregnancy. It is a secret she will take to her grave.

And speaking of her grave, the novel reaches the pinnacle of irony when Sabrina, full of despair, commits suicide by flinging herself off the freshly-painted portion of the Golden Gate bridge.

Seriously.

Chapter Nine
This chapter is the "denouement," or epilogue, where we find out what happens to our characters after the tragedy of Sabrina's death. Wholly unaffected by guilt or any sort of emotion whatsoever, Anthony marries Afton. They have their baby and presumably name it something that begins with the letter A.

At the sight of the adorable baby Annie or Alexandria or Aphrodite or whatever, the readers/Lifetime viewers are left with a warm feeling in their bosoms and, like Anthony, have forgotten all about the character who met her tragic end in the last chapter. Because, cute baby! And everyone lives happily ever after.

THE END.