I don't know if you find this to be true, but I often find that people (I really have to stop using the word "people" because it's starting to sound way surreal) pop into my mind at various times just out of the blue, and I begin wondering about them. And sometimes it will be someone I know very well, and sometimes it will be some minor character from the distant past, and sometimes it will be someone important who I've lost touch with for a while.

If it's someone from the distant past, I invariably wonder: does that person ever think about me? Do I occur to them at all? Did I make an impact on them the way they did on me? And the odds are probably that no, my boyfriend from kindergarten probably doesn't think about me much. Or my old friend Jay, who came out to me and had his feelings hurt when I didn't think it was that big of a deal that he was gay. Or the musician who lived in my dorm in collage, who used to come to my room and play bass guitar along with my Toad the Wet Sprockets album. Or my old boss, who is now a deacon, like he always wanted to be.

And then I wonder, with all the people I've known, who is thinking about me in that way? Would it be someone random, someone I've forgotten about, whose life I touched in some way? Would I be happy if I heard from them? Would I remember who they were?

If its someone I haven't talked to recently, I always hope they can somehow feel my thought vibrations reaching out to them across the miles. My friend in Colorado, who just had his second baby, and whose wedding anniversary is coming up. My friend whose struggles with her marriage are so heart-wrenching that I just pray she finds the strength to walk away. My friend who is in the process of adopting. My friend who should not have been turned down by American Idol, because his voice is stunning.

I could fill a paragraph with names of people, past and present, who I've been thinking about lately. Old crushes, old enemies, former friends, people I loved, people who inspired me, people whose journals I read, people who have dropped off the radar. In a way, it's beautiful, this web that binds us all together. (I mean as in a spider web; that's not some lame-ass internet metaphor. Although I guess the Web does bind us together too, some of us, some of the time.)

Really, let's try it: Anna Beth, Matt Mirolla, Chauwa, Eleanor, Allison, Nigel Mills, Wes and Cordelia, Erin Brooks from New Jersey, Marcella (whose birthday on January 10 I remember every year), Sarah from college, Chely, Angela, Rebecka, Durbin, Lisa in Turkey, Nels, Morgan Murray, Jason and Aaron, Kathy, Marc, the brothers Gordon-Leavitt, Tyla and Kelsey, my cousin Jennifer, Russell, Joanne from my evil hell job, My Friend Eric, the gang from the Network BBS, Sandy who I sat behind in class for twelve years... and I can't believe I forgot about the big one: my biological parents.

I don't really know what my point is. I guess that's how life is, you drift in and out of people's lives according to inclination, proximity, commonality. Sometimes friendships drift apart before you want them to. Sometimes it's just time to move on. Sometimes you reconnect with someone out of the past, and it's a great feeling. Sometimes you wish you could find someone again and apologize, or give them a long overdue kick them in the balls, or tell them how much they meant to you. Or all of the above.

I wish I were better at letting people know I'm thinking about them, sending cards and making phone calls and that sort of thing. I guess this is partly why I have an online journal. So if anyone is thinking about me or wondering what I'm up to, they know where to find me. And if they do find me, they know how to say hello.